This has been a hard piece to write; I’ve been putting it off. A lot happened in 2025 that I haven’t really put into words. But to get to Unconquerable, I need to go through it.
A few weeks after my Dad’s birthday in March, he broke his hip.
The seriousness of this injury was apparent, as his mobility was already extremely limited. I knew it was going to be a tough road back for him, if at all. He went to the hospital, his surgery was successful, and he was discharged to rehab. During this time in rehab though, he developed pneumonia and was sent back to the hospital. At this hospital stay, it was apparent that he needed a higher level of care than he could get at home. We made the heartbreaking decision to send him to a full-time care facility, but we knew it was the one that gave him the best chance of some semblance of recovery and life.
As the year continued, I watched my Dad decline and my own slide progressed. I entered survival mode. I fought my anxiety and depression, and I mostly gave up on regular physical activity at this point. My weight continued to increase. Summer came and we faced our first major loss of the year.
My mother-in-law passed after a long-term illness; it was a shock to the family. My next few weeks were distracted. I moved into support mode and was able to forget about my challenges for a bit. But we all know distraction only goes so far, and those issues with my physical and mental well-being were only being suppressed.
August and September saw some minor changes in my life. I picked up a part-time job, worked my full-time job, and visited my dad most days. They weren’t long visits; he was sleeping a lot, and the effects of his Parkinson’s disease and dementia were becoming more apparent. As much as I tried to deny it, I knew where we were heading. My personal downward journey continued from here. I was trying to lift myself out of it, but excuses would win out, and we finally arrived in October.
It is an understatement to say October went sideways, but it started out easily enough. I was getting ready for my usual Vermont race, I went to Oktoberfest with my cousin, and I was doing as well as I had been. In early October, Dad went to the ER again with double pneumonia again. His second time in about as many months. In short, due to his Parkinson’s disease, he developed dysphagia. This means damage to the muscles and nerves in his throat limited his ability to swallow food. It can lead to complications such as aspiration pneumonia and malnutrition. Add in his COPD, and he was in rough shape come October. He deteriorated significantly, and we knew it was time to begin comfort care. He passed away peacefully almost a week later.
I experienced a complex set of emotions after that. My Dad was gone, my mom too. It was truly the end of an era. I was grieving him, but not as hard as I expected. I believe I had been preparing for that day from the day of his initial diagnosis. I knew what the end game would be, and every time a familiar part of him faded away, I grieved a little each time. It was a long process for him and our family. And while I grieved his loss, I also felt relief. My Dad was a proud, tough man. He never wanted extraordinary care. He believed if it was his time, it was his time. I know we did our best to give him the best life we could at the end, but it was his time, and he was finally released from the prison his body and mind had become.
Time marches on, and things for me aren’t changing, but I am recognizing it. I started with a personal trainer in November/December to try and get moving again. I definitely didn’t put as much into it as I could have. Winter became a miserable time; it was cold and stormy. It was a good reason to stay inside. (EXCUSES!!) As the year turned, I started working with an in-person therapist, I began bereavement counseling, and adjusted my meds with my physician. Oh! Did I mention I had my first known atrial fibrillation event! Yeah, so that was fun and did wonders for my mental health. I did see my cardiologist about it, and to date, it’s my only known event. Perhaps this was truly the seeds of the Unconquerable Heart, but not one I needed.
Anyway, we finally get to spring. The change in seasons starts lifting my mood, meds are working, therapy is working, but I’m still not 100%. In April, I spent a weekend in Atlantic City at a conference. Those four days seemed to kick a lot for me into gear. First, I was away from home for the first time in some time. I was around people I had never met and was forced to socialize. That weekend, I started looking more forward than back and tried to be more present. It was after that weekend the seeds of Cor Invictum developed.
I started to think about how I can do better for myself going forward. I wanted to be more available for my family and friends; I realized I wanted a way to keep myself active, healthy, and to help people. I finished up with my trainer around that time as well, and in May, I signed up to become a certified personal trainer. I saw this as one of the best ways to accomplish and maintain my goals. As I started my coursework, I wanted to see other ways of training and joined a CrossFit group. I have been with them since; I enjoy the group and workouts so much, and it’s been a catalyst for keeping me active. Running has still been very start-and-stop for me, and I’m OK with that. I don’t want running to be a chore, like when I was marathon training; I want to enjoy it and the people I run with.
During the summer, I did complete my first 5K race in almost two years. I was nervous but finished it in a time I was happy with. More importantly, my mood and physical health keep lifting. I still have my down days, but they are becoming more infrequent. Because of all this, I felt comfortable with launching Cor Invictum and telling my story publicly.
For the first time in years, I am feeling UNCONQUERABLE!!!
