I didn’t expect to write again so soon, but yesterday… well, yesterday took an early turn.
Let’s back up a little. Four years ago, we discovered that my heart pauses when I sleep. I went through intense testing, including my first-ever surgical procedure. After four hours of electrical testing in my heart, the doctor found nothing that needed to be fixed and put an Internal Loop Recorder in my chest. This device records my heart 24 hours a day and reports back to the doctor’s office daily. I get the occasional phone call checking in, but the pauses only happen at night while I’m sleeping, and I don’t notice any issues the next day. To be fair, though, this is my perceived normal.
Monitoring continued, and for a long time, we only saw those pauses. Then, the day after Christmas, I had my first AFib event. It happened late, after working both jobs and shoveling snow. I woke up the next morning apparently still in AFib. I didn’t notice any issues, went outside to shovel snow again, and then headed to work. I still felt fine.
I noticed the alerts from my Apple Watch a few days later, reached out to the doctor, and went in to see him. We discussed what happened; he wanted to put me on the table right away, but I asked for a more conservative approach. He agreed to monitoring, a low-dose beta-blocker, and baby aspirin. I also agreed to go to the ER if I noticed anything strange.
Which I did yesterday.
I woke up at my normal time and got up to start getting ready for work. While in the bathroom, I noticed a “flutter” in my chest. Aside from that, I never felt off. I went back to my bedroom and started checking my Apple Watch. While the watch didn’t detect an AFib rhythm, it kept giving me inconclusive results. I moved to my office and repeated the test there with my watch and blood pressure cuff. I was still getting weird results and still feeling the flutter. I then went to take my morning meds, beta-blocker included, and realized I hadn’t taken them the day before. Needless to say, I took my meds right away and went to sit downstairs.
As I waited, I checked again with my watch and saw the same results. At that point, I made the call and headed to the ER.
I got right in. They hooked me up, did labs, and ran EKGs. My anxiety spiked, and doubt started creeping in. Of course, it didn’t help that every time I would finally relax, a machine alert would trigger. But, after four hours, I was discharged. My labs were good, my rhythm normalized, and I went home.
Once we got home, I had lunch and napped for almost three hours. Later on, we took a nice walk by the river, and I settled in for a relaxing night. But the doubt? That stayed.
I started questioning things, and Pandora’s Box was opened. Am I doing enough? Too much? Is starting Cor Invictum the right thing? Am I kidding myself about becoming a personal trainer? I have a hard enough time taking care of myself. IT ALL CAME OUT.
The doubt, the anxiety… I started spiraling. I couldn’t get to sleep. Finally, I got up and took a break. After a few minutes, things started settling down. I went back to bed, put in my AirPods, and listened to some brown noise for relaxation. I fell asleep and slept until this morning.
Today has been better. I feel fine physically, but the doubt is still there. I understand this is normal, though. The visit to the ER reminded me of my mortality and of all the family members who have gone into the ER only to never leave the hospital again. It sparks the doubt and makes me question everything. Knowing that, what do I do next?
First, I wrote this piece to process yesterday. Second, I am following up with my primary cardiologist on Thursday to see what we’ll do next. Third, I need to take my diet off cruise control and plan my meals better. Lastly, I will listen to my body more. I will push it, but if something doesn’t feel right… I’ll dial it back or stop.
I know I have fewer years ahead of me than behind me, but I want to have as many of them as I can. More importantly, I want to be healthy and active for them.
It’s time.
You've got this, Mike! If it makes you feel any better, between 2010 and 2018 I went to the ER countless times and thank God, I'm still kicking 🤪! There were lots of close calls and I'm still working through medical trauma (hence why being in medical settings is a real challenge) but I keep on trucking and I know you will, too. You've got my support and prayers 🙏🏼.